You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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