One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
