Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
