I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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