I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
