what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
