dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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