he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
