Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
