Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
