My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
