I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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