Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
