Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
