No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
