I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
