i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
