New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
