this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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