Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
