We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
