Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
