yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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