Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
