Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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