he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
