she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize