census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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