i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drake has all the answers
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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