I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
