Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
