I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
