they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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