his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
