When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
