Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
