the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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