she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
