i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
