One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
