you guys were way drunker than both of me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Randomize
