She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize