We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
