take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
