I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
