Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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