Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize