doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize