Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
