I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize