Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
