I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
