I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
