I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize