come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i think my cat just said my name.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
