NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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