i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
