i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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