i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
