you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
