my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
