Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
