Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
