That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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