but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
