I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
