tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
