what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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