Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
