She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
