I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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