wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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