i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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