How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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