yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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