Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
