All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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