So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
