i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
