we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
