She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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