I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
