you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
