I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
