Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
