Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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