Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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