you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
