Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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