Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
