I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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