even my farts smell like vagina
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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