dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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