I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
