so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
