So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry about my life...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
