She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
