i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
