I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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