party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
