This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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