I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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