last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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