I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Text me some of your sweat
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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