He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
