I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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