He kissed a someone with a penis
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
