My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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