Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
