either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
