its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
