cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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