He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
