Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she peed on how many people?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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