if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this beer tastes like vomit already
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
