fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize