i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize