Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
