I cockslap morals
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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