So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
