Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm too high and old for this...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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