I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
