We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
